Not Anymore
by crazymac
Summary: Hephaestion has had enough. New Chapter 2: Alexander's POV
1. Chapter 1

**Not Anymore**

Hephaestion had never felt the need to knock or announce his presence in any way before entering the King's quarters on personal business. There was nothing between Alexander and himself that required such decorum.

Their relationship was such that it was not necessary. Alexander had never done anything of the sort before, and neither had Hephaestion. They shared everything, privacy was irrelevant and needless. The General had always thought that there was nothing to hide from each other, that they knew each other so completely.

But on entering now, just seeing the look on his Xander's face, he knew that he should have made his impending presence known. Shock, shame, regret, and mortification covered the features that Hephaestion knew so very well, as Alexander's head popped up from beneath the covers of his bed and whipped around to face him.

Confusion was his first reaction to the expressions on his beloved's face and the wide fearful eyes that greeted him. But he felt his stomach drop suddenly as a second face appeared from the depths of the bed.

Hephaestion took a very slow, deep breath, and closed his eyes from the sight before him.

Of course he knew, he had known for a while now of the King's 'interest' in the young Persian boy. He thought he had come to terms, that it did not affect him in anyway. He turned a blind eye, convincing himself that it didn't matter. Alexander's recreational endeavors made no difference to him. That's lie that he had sold to himself.

But now he was confronted so blatantly with it, and he felt himself falling apart from the inside out.

No matter what delusion he had made himself believe up until that moment, he could no longer deny it, this was killing him.

When his eyes opened again, the scene was just the same. It had not melted away and disappeared like he had silently prayed for.

He gulped down the emotions he was surpressing.

Anger, sorrow, jealousy, hatred, revulsion, betrayal.

The seconds and the silence stretched on.

It felt as if Hephaestion's chest was caving in on the spot where his heart once resided.

Standing there he had felt so weak, so wounded. His heart had melted away from the pain consuming him.

But suddenly, as he turned his back on the scene that he was sure would make him sick, a wave of fury and disgust froze his heart. It made him cold and so enraged.

He stalked away, lips tight, chest heaving.

He heard Alexander quietly say his name and then heard his footsteps hurrying across the floor behind him.

He did not stop or turn around until they were out in the hall and he felt that Alexander was right behind him. Then he swiftly whipped around to face the man that he loved so deeply and hated so violently.

"Do not chase me down to lie to me." He sneered, not able to hide a tremor in his voice.

The King's face was frozen with disgrace and sorrow. Hephaestion noted the glassy look of drunkenness in his eyes.

Hephaestion's body was in such a contrast between hurt and fury.

He turned once again to leave, but then turned back around as a sudden feeling of strength surged up deep inside of him

"Who do you think you are?" he almost yelled, thrusting an accusing finger in Alexander's face, "Who do you think you are that you can do this to me? Treat me in this way?"

His body shook as the King slowly opened his mouth to answer.

"I am just me, the same Alexander that you have always known, that you have always loved." Alexander's voice was gentle and pleading.

Hephaestion could not believe what he was hearing.

Slowly, he looked the man before him up and down, lips curling in disgust as he smelled the thick scent of alcohol on him.

"No you're not." He spat out. "That man disappeared along time ago."

This time when he moved to walk away he fully planned on making a complete exit. But he was caught off guard as he felt a strong hand grip his arm and turn him around. Then he found himself pinned up against the wall, Alexander's livid face inches from his own.

"I will tell you exactly who I am." He snarled. "I am Alexander of Macedon, King and ruler of the Macedonian Empire. I am the most powerful man in the world, and I will do what I please"

And with that he pressed his body to Hephaestion's and crashed their lips together in an angry, violent kiss.

Hephaestion could taste the wine on Alexander's breath.

He could not have counted the number of times that he had kissed Alexander, but he knew that this could not even be called a kiss. It was rough, violating, and not an ounce of love could be felt behind it.

The General raised his hands and pushed against Alexander's chest with all his strength. The King stumbled back and fell to the ground.

The hating part of him rejoiced in standing over the King, seeing him brought so literally low.

He let the fire of his anger sear into Alexander's eyes as he said quietly, "You control many things Alexander of Macedon, but I am not one of them. Not anymore."

**Fin**

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**This was probably crap, because I wrote it so fast. But I just had a surge of creative juice and had to get this out. It's alittle more angsty that I usually go, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways.**

**This was partly inspired by the song "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri. It's seriously an amazing song, so if you have never heard it I firmly suggest that you youtube it and bask in the awesomeness.**

**Reviews are love my friends, so show me the love! :)**


	2. Selfish

**This is dedicated to deelove1, who waited ever-so patiently for Alexander's POV!**

**Enjoy!**

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Not Anymore

_Chapter Two: Selfish_

**M**an in his essence is a selfish creature. It didn't take Alexander all the years of his life to figure that much out.

He found that fact very blatantly demonstrated in many of his own actions. It would not be incorrect to say that Alexander often used the selfishness of humankind as an excuse for his own inappropriate behavior. He would dismiss his immoral actions as human nature, something that could not be helped.

It is his excuse for why he now lies, rather drunk, on top of the quivering body of Bagoas, the Persian boy that he often let his selfishness run away with.

When wine filled his body and lust flowed through his veins, he gave very little thought to his actions and let his body do what ever it wished, let it pursue whatever objective it wished. This more often than not, led to finding himself in positions very similar to where he found himself now.

The King was not as drunk as he would have liked, however. Normally he would have little to no recollection of these endeavors. He would simply wake in the morning, feeling very sick and a little guilty. However, the sickness would always outlast the guilt.

But this time he found the guilt arriving a little prematurely. He couldn't help the sinking feeling in his stomach as Hephaestion's face lingered in his mind's eye.

He suddenly felt the body beneath him freeze and stiffen. He wondered if perhaps he had spoken Phai's name aloud. It would not be the first time it had happened.

But why would that warrant any kind of reaction from the Persian boy? He was here for the King's entertainment. Alexander could call out any name he wished; it was no business of his.

But then he felt the new presence that had entered the room. A sixth sense told him that they were no longer alone.

As he whipped his head around towards the door, his heart stammered horribly in his chest. He would have rather seen someone with a knife ready to kill him than what he actually saw.

He blinked his bleary eyes a few times to make sure that it was really Hephaestion standing there and not just the alcohol playing tricks on him.

But alas, the strong form of Hephaestion's body did not fade away.

There was no hiding the guilt and shame that covered the King's face.

For a few horrible seconds, Alexander watched a multitude of expressions pass over his beloved's features.

First his face was as it always looked when the two were together; warm and loving, with a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips. But that quickly faded as he read the expressions on Alexander's profile. Confusion overwhelmed his face. Then as the situation became clear, a series of awful emotions clouded those lovely features.

Disbelief. Hurt. Fear. Sorrow. Anger.

Hephaestion actually closed his eyes, blocked the scene from his sight to escape it. Lines formed on his face from the strength with which he shuttered his blue orbs. Hephaestion's brow knit from the strain of the torrent of feelings coursing through his body.

And he, Alexander, had never felt anything like this in his life.

He was a swirling mixture of self-hatred, shame, guilt, regret, and disgrace.

The King was now confronted with what his selfishness had done. It had broken the man he loved. He was watching the destruction of all that was holy to him, all that was dear and right in his world, all that was sacred and significant.

His Phai's clear blue eyes were revealed once again. The two men stared at each other, locking gazes. Alexander longed to get up and go to him, but his body would not cooperate and obey his mind's commands.

Hephaestion's face paled and Alexander wondered if he would actually be sick from the overwhelming situation.

Swiftly, Hephaestion turned his back to Alexander. No words were exchanged. Alexander watched the muscles of his shoulder tense and his entire figure stiffen. And without a glance back, his Phai stormed from the room.

"Phai." The name slipped through Alexander's lips softly.

He threw himself from the bed, wrapped his body in a robe, and took off after the retreating form of his General.

He stumbled only once or twice from drunkenness. But he was not so drunk that he could not grasp the seriousness of this situation.

The King ran after Hephaestion, knowing exactly what had to be said to return him to the other's affections. Alexander had been a selfish man his whole life, he knew how to calm and comfort a hurt Hephaestion.

Out into the corridor Alexander followed him and when he found himself directly behind his lover the General whipped around. His face was red with anger, his lips were tight and his chest heaved.

Inches away from Alexander's face Hephaestion sneered, "Do not chase me down to lie to me."

Alexander froze. He did not know how to react. His Phai was warm, kind, and always ready to forgive him. But the man before him was angry, cold, and hard as stone. Alexander would honestly say that this man scared him. His intoxication kept him from reacting to this sudden change in Hephaestion fast enough. His muddled mind scrambled for what to say.

But too little, too late. Hephaestion turned away to leave.

But just as suddenly as before, he flew back around.

He stuck a condemning finger in the King's face.

"Who do you think you are?" he demanded in a shaking, yet somehow incredibly strong voice, "Who do you think you are that you can do this to me? Treat me in this way?"

Alexander responded slowly, "I am just me, the same Alexander that you have always known, that you have always loved."

Alexander held his breath as the General's eyes traveled slowly up and down his form, lips curling back into a sneer of revulsion.

"No you're not. That man disappeared a long time ago."

Those horrible words burned the King's ears and the loathing expression on Hephaestion's face seared his eyes.

But a small force started building up somewhere very deep inside of him.

Alexander had known that with selfishness came an even worse companion. Selfishness and anger. The two could rarely be found separate. Because with the desire for your own way came the fury that occurred when you did not get it.

Fueled even more by the wine flowing through his veins, anger flared up inside Alexander like a wild beast, a fiery demon from some wretched underworld. Hephaestion turning his back on him was like the spark that lit the raging fire.

No one rejected the King of Macedon. No one would speak to Alexander that way.

Strengthened by his anger, he reached out and gripped Hephaestion's arm and then threw him against the stone wall. He pressed his full weight against the General, pinning him there securely.

Alexander felt his body shaking with the rage that consumed him.

**"I will tell you exactly who I am." He said in response to Hephaestion's spiteful question. "I am Alexander of Macedon, King and ruler of the Macedonian Empire. I am the most powerful man in the world, and I will do what I please."**

And with that he pressed his lips harshly to the other man's. He would show him that no one rejected King Alexander of Macedon, even General Hephaestion Amnytoros. His intoxication and blind fury egged him on.

He felt that the lips beneath his own did not reciprocate the kiss and that the body attempted to pull back in defiance, but he was so far gone that it didn't matter.

Then a sudden force met with his chest and sent him tumbling backward. The drunk, unready King fell violently to the ground.

He groaned and raised his head slowly.

Hephaestion stood over him.

His gaze met with the General's frigid, blue eyes. They narrowed harshly as he scornfully sneered, "You control many things Alexander of Macedon, but I am not one of them. Not anymore."

The King lay on the dirty floor where he belonged, listening to the echoing footsteps fade away. The sound of those footsteps would haunt him forever, resounding ceaselessly in his empty heart.

It was not just the sound of retreating footsteps. It was the sound of light and love leaving his life.

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**I realize this was kinda out of order, considering I wrote a sequel for the first chapter before I wrote this. But oh well. **

**The sequel for 'Not Anymore' is called 'Who I Am'. So if you haven't read it, please check it out!**

**Once again, thanks to deelove1 for the patience and for the little nudge to get me moving on this! :)**

**Reviews=Smiles! :)**

**xxcrazymacxx**


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